Print this pageSupporting a bereaved child in school
School can offer support and security for children when someone special to them has died. This section gives some ideas about how to do this. For more ideas please see the ‘What has worked for your school’ section.
The family of the pupil may contact school directly soon after someone has died. This information needs to be passed on to members of staff. Although it can be hard for pupils to feel like facing school again, it can offer a sense of security, routine and normality at a time when these things feel lost.
Families can appreciate early contact from the school/teacher to let them know that they are thinking about them. Teachers can also discuss with the pupil and his/her family about making a return to school. The pupil can be given the choice about letting peers know why they have been absent and the facts about what has happened. The pupil may choose to do this in person, together with a trusted teacher or for the teacher to do it before they return. It is more helpful if the child has a sense of control over the situation. It may also be important that peers get a clear, factual account of the situation particularly if the death has been publicised or is known about in the wider community as this could leave the story open to rumours.
If the class is informed of the pupil’s absence you could encourage them to write letters or make cards to send home. If the pupil is off school you can keep them informed about what is happening in school.
Ask the pupil how they would like to be supported, identify friends and teachers that they would like to receive support from. If the pupil has a named member of staff they need to know when they are available to talk to and how to get hold of them.
Provide somewhere the pupil can go for some time out, a place to sit quietly and compose themselves. Some adolescents that we have met have used ‘the red card system’ where they have a card that is recognised by all teachers, it represents the pupil’s need for some time out without the pupil having to explain in front of the class and to each teacher why. For younger children you can use a stone with one side painted a happy colour and one side a sad colour. The pupil can then put it on their desk so the teacher can see clearly how they are feeling.
Be open and honest with the pupil, ask questions. If you are asked a question it is ok to say I don’t know the answer. It may be something you can help the pupil find out. Use clear language i.e. use the word dead.
Be mindful of special days.
Be aware of changes in behaviour, keep a clear link with home. Remember that everyone reacts differently. For younger children this can seem like ‘jumping in and out puddles’ (analogy used by Winston’s wish).
Do not over compensate with too much special attention as this can make the pupil feel different and create jealousy.
Be aware that bereaved pupils can be bullied at school often because their peers do not know what to say. PHSE lessons could be one way of breaking down the taboo around death.
Give the pupil the choice about joining in with projects/activities for example a child who has lost his/her father may still want to join in with father’s day activities such as making a card.
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